![]() ![]() “Ours is a patriarchal society, with a lot of gender-based double standards. Knowing what consent looks like and what it doesn’t look like is all well and good – but how do we talk about and uphold consent in a culture that doesn’t value it? Getting drunk does not give consent,” she said. “A lot of the young people we work with think, ‘Kapag may alak may balak,’ (When there’s alcohol, there’s intent) and that if a girl drinks with a guy that she is giving consent. What isn’t consent? The answer to this question is murkier than it should be.įorcing, pressuring, or manipulating someone to do something they don’t want to do guilting someone into doing something assuming someone wants to do something without asking – these are not consent.Įveryday situations such as agreeing to go for drinks or a person dressing in revealing clothes do not equal consent either, even if they are all too often misconstrued as consent. The flipside of that is that people can also not consent in a non-verbal way “by showing in their face or their body language how uncomfortable or unhappy they are with what is happening,” she said. “When people don’t know each other that well or don’t have strong communication with one another, it is always going to be safest to explicitly ask for verbal consent to make sure that everyone involved is in agreement with what is happening,” she said. “Someone can give non-verbal consent by happily, and enthusiastically participating in whatever is happening,” she said, while adding that it makes more sense for couples who have known each other for a long time and can pick up non-verbal cues. But there’s even such a thing as non-verbal consent, according to Amina. With this in mind, it’s easy to picture what consent looks like – a loud “yes” or any other word that expresses excitement. ![]() Specific: Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like having sex).Enthusiastic: When it comes to sex, you should only do stuff you WANT to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do. ![]() For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent. Informed: You can only consent to something if you have the full story.Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed. Reversible: Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime.Freely given: Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.She turned to the FRIES acronym to explain consent further. “When it comes to sexual activities, it is incredibly important to practice consent for a safer, pleasurable, and fulfilling sexual life,” she said. ![]()
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